Helping guys turn their social anxiety into core confidence? Not going to lie, this is my bread and butter 😉
I can help you here — guaranteed. The reason I know? I’ve been where you are.
Fact: not long ago, I was struggling with social anxiety.
But over the last five or so years, I’ve transformed myself significantly and I no longer get nerves — regardless of the situation.
Here, I’ll share exactly what my experiences were that helped me stop feeling social anxiety. And how I flipped to feeling confident. Then, I’ll reveal the 3 main keys for doing the same — the 3 keys I wish I’d known way back in the day.
Note, this is going to be a long post. It’s by design.
I don’t just want to give you the key takeaways. Rather, I want to share my experiences with you first. This way, everything will be relatable to your situation: proof that you can replicate the results I’ve created myself.
Cool? Then let’s do this!
First of all, I want to reiterate that I used to be deathly shy and timid! Basically, I had social anxiety. Here’s a picture of me back when I got nervous all the damned time…
Perhaps you’ll relate to this: I used to read books about being more confident in social situations. I used to watch tons of youtube videos. The truth is I used to study my little face off.
And yet, I still felt exactly like you describe yourself as! I would freeze up!
Then, at the age of 16, my father gave me no choice but to go out and sell for his roofing company — in person — to big government agencies and school districts.
Suddenly, I was forced to extrovert — and sell to men who were 3 or 4 times my age.
My Story of Selling with Social Anxiety
To be clear, before I started selling, just the idea of talking to strangers scared the shit out of me! No joke, I used to literally get anxious simply from ordering pizza on the telephone!
But my father gave me no choice. He knew I needed to get out go my comfort zones…
Here’s a picture of me, next to his yellow work vehicle, just before I went out to sell for the first time.
Not looking too confident… wouldn’t you agree? 😉
The experience of selling, especially at the beginning, was terrifying. And for weeks, I stuttered, bumbled, and messed up. Every rejection made me more self conscious. I could tell: nobody took me seriously. My confidence was low and I failed again and again.
As you’ll see, however, these “failures” were really the building blocks that were quietly laying the foundation for my personal transformation.
After a month of being rejected well over 100 times doing my sales pitches without a single success, a lightbulb flickered in my mind. Suddenly, I realized something…
WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?!
This change in mindset transformed me overnight. With a newfound sense of “who cares what they think” confidence, my actions during the final 7 weeks of that summer helped me contribute to over $187k in sales — as a 16 year old kid.
Think about that: I went from selling literally NOTHING to selling $187,000.
This showed me (and should show you) that a change in mindset changes EVERYTHING: from your inner confidence socially to your outer world results.
When you get to the point when you suddenly realize, “WHO CARES IF I STRIKE OUT!,” you’re about to thrive. Nobody can fully give you that lightbulb moment but you. It comes only from repeatedly taking action.
My Story of Public Speaking with Social Anxiety
At the age of 20, I had to give a valedictorian speech at the community college I went to — in front of over a thousand people. For the sake of time, I’ll save you the drama and simply share, I choked. I choked badly. You can read that story here.
But for now, here’s a picture of me just before I crumbled with over 2,000 eyeballs all focused on me.
My speech went so bad that students in the front row were laughing at me.
Fully aware I was crumbling in front of countless people, I felt anxious and overwhelmed with feelings of embarrassment and shame. However, towards the end of that speech, I had a smilier lightbulb moment that had when selling.
Suddenly, in front of literally everyone, I realized…
Okay, I’m being laughed at. It’s not fun, but so what? I’m going to use this experience as fuel to improve myself.
Believe it or not, I actually left the speech that day with my head held high. I felt inspired. And I used that inspiration to get myself to take action…
Just the next day, I signed up for every public speaking group around, through Toastmasters, and started giving speeches every single week. Here’s a (blurry) picture of me giving one of my first speeches…
At first, I wasn’t very good. But I stuck with it. And guess what? Within a few months, my fear of public speaking was gone… Soon after? I acquired newfound public speaking skills.
From there? I found I loved speaking — went on to win a bunch of awards and contests. But I had to earn it by taking lots of action: in the form of speaking in front of people over and over again.
And lastly, I’d like to share a story about how I overcame social anxiety around women…
My Story of Approaching Women with Social Anxiety
Oh yes, the fairer sex… Until only 5 or so years ago, I was terrible with women. My awkwardness came from a really bad moment back in high school.
My ultimate low point? I was coldly rejected asking a girl to PROM in front of ALL of my highshcool peers. When I approached the girl I liked, she literally ran away from me.
It was the most embarrassing moment of my pre-adult life. And for a while, the rejection hurt so bad that I avoided women all together.
But finally, just after fucking up my valedictorian speech and committing to overcoming my fear of public speaking, I decided to take on my fear of talking to women as well.
So what did I do when I got to a four year college? Simple. I mustered up the courage to start talking to attractive women I saw every day of the week.
Trust me when I say, this one was tough! To be honest, approaching women each day before or after class was tougher than getting the degree from top rated U.C.L.A.!
I used to have to absolutely will myself to approach that one adorably attractive woman I’d always see. Yet, whether I was in a coffee shop, the gym, or even in the library, I always approached that beautiful woman when I saw her. I knew I simply had to.
And just like with cold sales and with speaking, at the beginning, I would freeze up! Consequently, at first? I got rejected ALOT!
But then, with persistence, I started getting more comfortable. I developed that sense of, “So what if it doesn’t work out,” and stopped caring so much.
Finally, after a bunch of approaches, the monkey chatter in my mind stopped and I began acting more confident. From that point on, I started getting the occasional date.
Then, I began getting a few dates a week.
Finally, in the months just before I graduated (less than two years from the time when I couldn’t even talk to women) I literally had more dating opportunities than I had time.
Just like with my sales and public speaking stories, by repeatedly approaching women, I shifted my social anxiety and awkwardness around the ladies into real world confidence and results.
Finally, My Social Anxiety Was Gone
By the time I graduated college, I transformed my social anxiety into confidence in virtual every area. Today, whether I’m selling something, approaching a sexy woman, or speaking in front of a live audience, I feel comfortable and confident.
But no bullshit: when I was a teenager or a young adult, I was scared about virtually every social interaction I had with anyone other than my direct and immediate family. I wasn’t joking when I told you I used to get nervous just talking on the phone ordering pizza.
In short, I transformed my social anxiety into confidence. You can do the same. And you can feel confident in every area of your social life.
Personally, while it was hard work, it was 100% worth it. But now, you’re probably wondering…
What are the 3 keys to getting to a place where you can destroy your social anxiety, be socially witty and smooth and calm, and confident — as quickly as possible? How can I replicate the shift you made, Jason?
Here’s what you can do to replicate my results (in less time than I did).
1) Take one action every day.
An action a day turns you into a beast. If you can do one thing that scares you each day, you’ll destroy your social anxiety fast.
I recommend marking off the day with a big X in your calendar only once you do something you’re afraid to do (i.e. approach a woman, speak in front of people, or sell something to a stranger). And once you get some momentum, get competitive with yourself! Don’t break the chain of X’s!
Realize that the path towards your desires will never come from videos and books alone. The simple truth is that taking action should be 80%, and the videos/books should be 20%.
Furthermore, once you begin taking daily action, the times you do read the books or watch the videos become WAY more insightful — because now you have lots of real life experiences to hook the strategies you learn onto.
It’s simple: an action a day turns you into a damned beast. Emerson said it best…
Always do what you are afraid to do.
Lastly, here’s a little hack to make taking action WAY easier: validate yourself after each action you take. Pat yourself on the back just after you take action or tell yourself your a damned champ.
Validate yourself with some well deserved positive self talk or literally pat yourself on the damned back. Either way, you need to remind yourself that it’s awesome when you take action! The reason? It’s REPEATED ACTION that destroys your social anxiety and gives you newfound confidence.
As the illustration above shows, the more you validate yourself, the easier it gets to keep taking action. Likewise, validating yourself is the secret to stopping giving a shit what other people think.
It’s how you get yourself to stop caring about the opinions of others so much!
Lastly, for more insight on how to take action amid fear, bookmark this article I wrote for you.
2) Accept your imperfections.
Embrace that your flaws and shortcomings make you and your story awesome. Dude. You’re a human being. Therefore, of course you’re flawed, and of course you’ll fail. That’s to be expected.
The sooner you truly can accept that your flaws and failures MAKE YOU AWESOME, and that they’re bound to happen, so F$#k It!, the better.
Consider: if you were invincible from the day you were born, the plot line to your life’s story would be (YAWWWWWN) boring!
But because you do have struggles and challenges and weaknesses, when you do succeed, you’ll have achieved something NOBODY can take away from you. Something YOU earned.
3) Visualize yourself winning.
Visualize yourself as a confident badass: carrying yourself confidently. Sharing your best self socially.
I recommend that you visualize yourself facing your fears like a champ — just before you go to bed each night. Doing so right before bed lets your mind simmer on success all night long while you sleep.
Visualization really helped me overcome my social anxiety and build core confidence. In fact, I believe visualizing yourself kicking ass each night is far more powerful than regularly watching self help videos or reading self help books.
In your minds eye, see yourself confidently talking to strangers. And see yourself expressing your ideas freely.
See yourself, in your minds eye, both from your point of view, and as if you were watching yourself on TV. And remember to use all 5 senses when you visualize.
Do this for 10 minutes EVERY night before you go to bed. Let that picture you have for how badass you can be PULL you towards your goal of how you wish to be. Let it inspire continued daily actions. And use this vision as your motivation in the moments when you least feel like taking action!
At the end of the day, you can do this.
By applying these three takeaways, there’s no doubt you can destroy your social anxiety. You can transform yourself into a social, outgoing, fun person, like I did.
Just don’t be surprised, once you transform like I did, when people around you are shocked by the new person you become. My family and close friends still can’t fully believe their eyes nowadays — when they see me approach women, speak up, and do what I want.
Here’s a picture of me proposing to beautiful women I’d just met on the street — simply for the fun of it. (I love the guys reaction to the left of me.) 😉
But you’re probably asking yourself, “But Jason, will it be easy to make this transformation like you did?”
No. Of course it wont be easy.
But boy will it be worth it. Social confidence predicts your sex life, your income, and your self-worth. If those things aren’t worth fighting for, what is?
But trust that you can do this if you commit to the process laid our in this comprehensive article. For some of you, tackling this process alone is your best option.
And for others, especially those of you with more money and less time, you should consider applying to my VIP coaching program.
Either way, as I’ve shared with both my stories and my advice, it all starts with taking action. This graph sums up the process of destroying your social anxiety — by taking repeated action — perfectly.
Repeatedly taking action upon the area(s) you’re afraid of. It’s how you transform your social anxiety into rock solid confidence. I wrote in more depth about how to systematically destroy your fears in another article. Read it here.
But don’t read for too long! Be sure to take some action TODAY! Action is the secret to success!
Wishing you all the best!
To your peak,
PS – If you’d like to destroy your social anxiety in the shortest amount of time possible, and if spending some money to do it doesn’t bother you, then you should enroll into my premiere training program that’ll help you do just that: 7 Days to Social Freedom 2.0
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